Flamin' Icicle

January Winter This Year

2012-02-20T08:59:00.010-08:00

Winter, oh winter
What darkness you have brought
So gray all the way
And fights couldn't stop
Even your merry christmas
Couldn't bring a little pause.
So sad that you sob now,
And leaving us all apart.
We waited a whole year
With dreams and wishes
To play with your colourless snow
And its time that I will be wedded.
Please dont go away
Please don't sob with pain
The humanity its destroyed I know
But some how we can save our way.
Men are fool I guess
Ain't even know
What they are paying to fake.
But I pray to you
Dont go away
Please dont sob with pain.
Please fix this world once again
Not with tsunami or hurricane
But little peace we are left
And for the ones
World is still a better place.
Winter, oh winter
Please don't go away.

Forever & Always

2012-02-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

- by Outlines of Shades

Come along, my beautiful bride,
walk down the flowery aisle,
wearing your beautiful smile,
looked at with curious eyes,
Gods kneel before the bride,
my beautiful, my only sunshine.

In the twilight as she drew near,
a single shimmering tear
streaked down from puffed eyes.
Why the tears? Why the pain?
She said she was left behind,
not feeling like a bride,
running in rounds, toiling hard
to avert the shadowy rain.

I tried to do my job best,
to be the husband and forget the rest,
to ease the pain for my wife to be,
to be her pillar, as she was to me.
The day went hard and long,
with many shadowy figures lost,
creeping in with their wispy strands,
bringing along the thorns and the sands,

I held her hand as she held on to mine,
close to our hearts with bonds divine,
down came the rains along with the storm,
could never breach the lovers' aplomb.
The devil himself reached out at night,
strangled her out, sucked her dry.
But in the darkness she heard my cries,
fought back hard and we survived.

Today we stand alone,
the wedding day has passed by...
Today we stand along,
the wedding day has passed by...

Today we stand alone,
the wedding day has passed by...
Today we stand along,
the wedding day has passed by...

Unmarried Widow

2012-02-15T10:48:00.011-08:00

I mourn for the lost soul
my heart cries for the one who hasn't passed on
I wonder where will be her salvation
When a thousand vultures feed on her broken heart

Oh! They call her the unmarried widow
She lost her soulmate much before his time
No one shed tears on his dead body
But they are the reason he died.

Why you left me forever
Why I can't see you anywhere
And I can't even fight
for you left me so far behind.
Why you made me stand with full conscience
and let me die everyday a million times
What trust I could have anymore
Whom I blame when everything has passed me by
Why you left forever
Why you are making me cry
These might be her words
when her world got crushed that night.

That day was like any other day
Started with a cup of tea and some morning snack
They might be getting ready
for a future they had planned
When a star fell from the sky
And the thunder stunt her earth
with shattering noise
Her valentine was lying in blood
It was 11:59 night before valentine's

did she have a chance
to glance at him for the last time
did she have a chance to say goodbye
She was planning something else
Coz what had to come wasn't planned.

I imagined his grave was empty
souless creatures trying to seek his land
Cruelly they ate her too
But silently she bore her dismay.

She will be alone for her love
Sobbing on his grave.
Leaving the world behind
Her eyes dried and showed pain
nobody came to lend a hand.
She was alone for him
Until the end of time.
She comes everyday
Spends every night
People called her crazy
Who is she?
The unmarried widow dying
since he had died.

Falling to my Grave

2012-01-05T21:42:00.001-08:00

Please come alone
To the funnel
To my grave.
With rolling tears on your cheeks
with a heart for my fate.
I have been crying
and trying to escape.
But am caught up,
Am Caught up
to the road to nowhere
And it has no end.
Am battling against my fate
Am battling against myself
But I hear thunder
And only myself.
Now am down to one last word
Will you let me stay.
am falling from edge
And 6 feet below the earth
seems still far away.

Am looking up to find you
crying to my grave
Am lying down
And I can see all my mistakes
But I am on road to nowhere
And trapped in this grave
6 feet below the earth,
Am still waiting
You will come to me
with some faith.
am falling from edge
And 6 feet below the earth
seems still far away.
Am crying Helen, to save me
But am down one last word
Will you,
Will you let me stay.
Am 6 feet under ground
and am waiting
For you to shed some tears.
Please come alone
To the funnel
To my grave
With rolling tears on your cheeks
for my soul to escape.

Moonlight Girl

2011-12-31T09:53:00.000-08:00

- A gift of light, by Sir Charlemagne

Moonlight girl,
Oh! Moonlight girl
I reach out for her
but she slips away.
Silver trussles roll over
my face
and I fall,
fall, I fall in my dreams.
She hints at me
and I see
she goes around but
never comes around
and I come to.
Moonlight girl,
Oh! Moonlight girl
where you to be
this shimmer
that I see
ain't no place closer to be.
Life goes on
and I run along
through days
and there I see again
in my dreams I see
the shadow of the
Moonlight girl,
Oh! Moonlight girl.

Once Upon A Time, there was a Black Witch!

2011-11-18T01:59:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time, long long ago there was a princess. She used to be very lonely, living in an alien town. This was the place where she met the prince Charming of fairy land. But they weren't friends and not at all close, jus two travellers sharing few words. The charming prince had already given his heart to the witch of far far land. The witch was a feeder, feeds on young heart, and was preying this time on dear Charming's heart.

She had a rabbit on her target and a prince to ambush. She had taken all way, made a prince to beg. But prince had faith, she is too honest, she understands. And her smiling humors made his life worthy. The joke was on him, when whole town laughed at his back. Still the prince kept on begging and asked for a date to love. The witch took the chance played the card of being friend forever. Henceforth she got her rabbit and prince wasn't needed to hold. She ignored him, she maintained the distance but prince kept on trying over and over for hopeless romance.
Months and months went by, his heart kept burning day and night. He started surviving on bread and wine, despaired the soles, departed from whole world. Then came the phase where he got soaked in work, but at the end of the day her letter and memories used to eat out his heart & soul. Nights started spending only with beer and wine but crying heart of his was never heard by her.
The princess was a distant observant, who couldn't watch any more. Gathering her broken heart together, she gave her hand to the man. The prince was broken inside and kept sobbing for the gone. The princess was there for him listening to every word he told. But while night fall, and before she sleeps she prayed to the stars to hear, "when the prince will look at me, when he will feel for me" but jus' before closing her eyes she wishes her prayer never come true "Coz I ain't deserve!".
The prince used to be rough sometime, she was left lonely some while. But one day the prince thought to try his love with her and kissed her in the beach rear. The day she could never let slip away, she promised her life to him since that day. But the prince thought its a mistake and left her on the first valentine's day. She passed through jungles of alien town, frightened by the darkness and the howling sound, still not losing hopes she pass to pronounce, "not to let go, we can work this out". Charming listened and told her patting "Until you there in the palace, you'll know there are thorn outside but you ain't have to worry until you're inside. But there's no certainty, no hope we can build a home but still we'll be together until we can hold". Princess was consoled and tried to hold on. Days passed by and months turned into years until one sudden day when everything was happy the witch came along. Charlie's sparkling eyes went bright seeing her, the love inside him once again emerged. Princess looked at him for some time and left them together for that while. When the prince came back they had a fight, and the broken trust couldn't got meld with time. Still she fought to let go and break the insecurity in her. Believing in unseen she trusted her prince forever. One after another the prince shattered her heart but one day his uncle remarked, "the wedding!", "Why not! It can be the time." Princess was again happy a purpose, a reason to be lively for sometime, this will change everything and answer to all fights. But the wedding was not until another year. And this year changed everything, every single goodness they had, the four pillars of relation, they fallen apart. The princess was turning to black magic and the prince was drawing apart from his rebound. The day before the wedding she showed up, the witch of far far land. She was beautiful and apologetic in tone, she asked to take, take her back for the love only she deserved to hold. The prince didn't reply as if he stayed pause, seeing him like this the princess couldn't stand. She came forward and shown her furious look, she tried to scare the witch away. That day the witch left to her far far land, left without saying a single word. And the wedding was done with a hope & dreams of happiness for always and forever.
Few months haven't passed, the prince was fed up with his own wife, always blamed her with mistakes of innocent tries, they never recovered the constant fights. The princess tried to understand 'Why?' even though it broken her inside until one day the prince left her again, and this time with hate in his eyes. With her heart broken she started the search yelled his name a thousand times, "wherever he is, he be safe, the only hope I can keep faith". She sent letters, she asked her crows to search. After the long night and half a day she finally succeed to bring him back. She hoped that things will change but it got worsen so much. So much that the relationship exist no more. The desperation to break up was final word.

One day the princess found a letter in his drawer. A letter the witch had written addressing to Charming's thoughts. That second paused for our princess, her body was numb, she sat on a chair and suddenly realised, "How I look now? its been so long". She watched herself in mirror, the mirror to reveal the soul, to analyse the truth lies in the dark eyes. She saw herself turned into a black witch surrounded by the crows of ugly town, she saw him to be happy if he kisses the maiden of far far land. The kiss meant by the prince only for her in the beach, which the black witch had stole with her dramatic surreal.
She asked her reflection 'Mirror! Mirror! What should I do? I leave, or let him go? He left me already what more to be told. I make him happy no more, but he can be happy again, why to pit the chances low.'
This is the end of the tale, The black witch will live, for a year of separation, for the prince to let go.
Finally the prince Charming will be happily forever after being together, with the honored maiden of far far land, living in a home. And the black witch of ugly town gets what she deserved, living alone in castle of dolor, punishing herself for the instances she belongs.

Can't Catch Up with You!!

2011-10-24T01:38:00.000-07:00

Some people jus dont care,
could have talk little softer
could have not judged for past
could be a bit polite
trying to heal the wound
fade to be scars.

Some people have left already
its only the matter of time
still you are standing in a way
where nowhere is the route.

Some people you care about
and hurt by their act
but it so obvious
you aint worth their time.
your tear drops
has no meaning
your pain is noto their life
they dont care about you
its better to accept this fact.

They pretend to wait for you
to talk all over to smooth the path
you will be mad
but still you are moved
trying to meet his heart.
but they'll never come for you
they left coz they will abandon you
they dont look back for you
even if you can't catch up.

Paralysed Love

2011-09-05T10:36:00.001-07:00

I feel paralyzed
With the guilt of being me.
I look at the sky
With empty vision.
In silence
I mourn my weeping heart.
I can feel
my insane sanity
feeling the wound everyday
accepting the reality.

Lightening has stuck,
Rain has cleared the dirt.
He sang a song
to peace my heart,
But still its weeping
I ain't know what it says.

Now there's drop
of silence
And there's so much
I would like to say.
Am sorry for my behavior
There's no justice
For which is wrongly done.

"Baby am addicted"
can you say it once more
Make our love lively again
Whisper a song,
Whisper me precious.
Make me feel
that I can't.

Heart In Sand

2011-09-02T09:16:00.001-07:00

You give to me this
but then take it away
A moment of silent satisfaction
A moment I appreciate.

My heart feels
heavy with the emotion
So precious
So strong
I wait for the right moment
to pen my song.

Why it is taken away
Why I've to bury in grave
Why my emotions
get cold again,
when the warmth
of passion its meant?

The vows I'll take
of golden words
Not someone written
over sand
We draw our heart
together
We built a home
ours
We hold a hand
each other's
We grow old
together
But all in vain unless
we're in love
forever.

Can't Recognize

2011-09-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

I stare in the mirror
once or twice
there's standing one
can't recognize
I feel I know her
sometimes
But who is it
can't define

I didn't know what been there
until then
somebody stuck it
with bullet in rain
shot to be dead
in a while
her means or absence
ain't mattered why?

Bleeding to death
but everyone passed by
her heart was cold
with burning eyes
mourn on her face
with silent pain
her absence to me
is crying night.

I was her a moment back
but now its me
who am I?
I stare in mirror
once or twice
there's standing one
can't recognize
I feel I know her
sometimes
But who is me?
can't define...

Bird Of Grave

2011-08-30T03:29:00.000-07:00

The sun won't rise for me
my dark grave are held with cloud
its 60 days of night for me
I wanna to be alone in gathered stream.

Calling the darkness
fright the fate I create
the empty heart call an angel
for going a distant from all apart

I am
The bird of grave and starve
the feeling is depressing
but desperate in all my act

strive back, fight away
I see my frustrated past
am lonely I want to be alone
even frustration clumsy new start.

The walls are closing in
I know myself ain't seen
I see the mirror's cast
The matter I ain't figure out.

who is to say
who build this phase
how I get away
how I get to pay?

My damage, depressive past
I keep inside my heart
it will follow my grave
mock my existence even in death.

Ain't sleep in peace
ever again
My eyes still bleed
the tears of pain.
End is freeze
in conscious hell.
Never to tell
never again.

Am Damaged !!

2011-08-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

The bullet has hit my heart
already am cold
you said and the boat has sailed
its done,
without or with action discussed and told.

My torn brown pages
are burnt
I exist no more
I got to define my action
those I did all for your good.

I am lost again
in the darkness, with no hope.
Maybe a clingy fraud
I look at mirror
You ain't known me, I told myself.

Two and half year passed so fast
I believe the understanding
been a trust
That day "I want a puppet"
its all you said
to shut me up.

Today our relationship is registered
but am still a cheater and still a fraud.
you said "I tricked you"
coz I tired to heal the past.

Am wrong to cry to top of my voice
I weep but cant change my past
my future I have changed
my own hand.
Its end now... Its end now...

Awkward Observation

2011-07-01T06:53:00.001-07:00

Awkward nature is a fact of unusuality

Finding salvation is treated unworthy
remind me of the past and presence of ambiguity
The future seems so far away,
and the darkness there soon be reality.

Its awkward how we choose sides
somehow or another ditch the true eyes
its easier to run away from the responsibility
to judge and open up our eyes.

Strange is the human nature
yet naive to sit and observe
before understanding the animal nature
own habits need to be apprehend.

Several hurdle we put in each others way
no reason for which we blame
action speak no meaning at all
no match with the decision you say.

We ain't even look in reflection

Yet pass on the comments to judge
How am I failure someways
How dare you didn't say nice words.

Rudeness is golden trait
while in politeness
and sweetly it can be faked
Gesture we expect from other
ain't it too much if its not ours.

Observing ourselves is awkward to try.
Still show how if noticed
you cant return to that point
changed as a person, solitude stays by.

Awkward observation is a lot to jot down

every point shows our criminal eyes
how we face ourselves in own reflection to fight
when monster stand infornt of us
and we had expect a fairy smile.

Taking an Exile

2011-06-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

I start, then I stop,
I hear and then get blind,
The heart scream and am quite
when tears roll, I keep smile.
The silence stays on my lips,
but can't stop my mind,
to move around this,
What is peace, whats happiness,
when my soul is complete.
I try to chase a light,
to open up, to escape and cry out loud
I try to seek a sound,
when whole world has shut down.

I pause, when I start.
am lost, when I walk.
The beauty I gaze,
yet my heart can't skip breath.

There several striving back
but always I fell upside down
Now I can't get up to find
those broken solution are confined.

Every faith I had, is lost with time
my strengths are drowned in weaknesses now.
whats sorrow, how I define
my whole life's been struggling time.
When sadness become a music
and harmony is played by misery
where the life stops
to appreciate the beauty
the stage I admired around.

That moment I was alone
I enjoyed talking to my own
several hymns and words I spoke
carelessly ignored other soles.

But my poor heart can not feel,
the hole inside heart didn't heal,
the sufferings are still excruciating
and there is nothing in this world to hold.

These storms, which frequently pass by
it rises with winning height
I fall on my face for the last time
and this time no tears but a smile.
I admit my failure now
I realize I can't win any how
defeat is what I take, with my head bow.
I can't fight, no more.
I won't struggle, no more.
I give up, with numb fold.

I take away this lost sole of mine,
am not guilty but won't give any alibi.
With all I have given up,
with all I am leaving behind,
my heart will be there with you,
when I take an exile.

The World is About To End

2011-04-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

Some said the world will end with fire
some said with ice
But none coming to despair
I hope Thee be satisfied

some greys left with ashes
memories left in tears
pass by those foggy colors
once cherish to share.

How can I erase the truth once felt
with the lies I witness today
How did I misjudge the honesty
I trust to built all okay.

The unanswer questions are forgotten
but nothing leaves those memory lanes
forget the passing clarity now
the soul insanely trapped in tragedy.

Lets move ahead outta the open beach
We embrace each other one last time
before demising our existence behind
and lets kiss till this time ends
for that's the way we remember this paradisaical end.

No painting will keep our memory
No writing to save our tale
The only peace is to rejoice the moment
where no difference would ever meant.

What is REAL?

2011-03-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Let it be the last time
Let's not fight again
the hurt and pain if I give
Lets us erase those stains

I won't hurt you again
I will be someone you wanted
It won't happen again
It won't happen again

Am the one in fault
Please forgive and lets move ahead
I hope for a future of being us
so Lets fight once again
to get our love back

Lets fight once more
to strive back to each other
to bridge the gap of stress
together the future we have

This is how I see it
give me your hand to show you that

But what if, what he said, all a lie
pretending, its all it was
how you believe what you see
and there nothing else than deceive
broken my trust when he said goodbye
next time he wasn't even ready
but then came a text to tell me
"I hope no hope of us in future"
This is what I perceive
How you decide upon what is real
is it what you see or the words you hear.
Oh! my reader tell me this, what I do,
with the pieces of my broken heart
how I decide, what is real?

GoodBye ("You DON'T CARE NO MORE")

2011-02-17T08:56:00.000-08:00

- Photo By Sir Charlemagne

The tough thing is you aint share your tears
the toughness in the emotion you dont bear
the truth is the heart has died in numbness of fear
lost in dark valley
speaking of truth
in the memories of falseness
paying for the mistakes
to dream to breathe and to be alive

The rough patch is to move ahead
the rough patches are the memoirs of toughness
the rough patched time is the time when
you left me alone
you leave me to suffer
I always knew
you'rnt the one to stand by

so you left me alone already
from the start
i was blinded by the love
you misused my scars
you left me alone
forever and always
you left me alone
didn't even say goodbye.

The One Who Paid For Being In Love

2011-01-24T14:05:00.001-08:00

- One by Outlines of Shades

Oh! we call her Medusa
the one who paid for being in love.
A beautiful priestess,
innocently living with an open heart.

Her hair were like
meadows flowing,
with the perfumed grace
of her fair soft skin
reflecting light from every edge.

On her lay the eyes of Poseidon
eyes as blue as the ocean
He was holdin' His holy trident
in His strength of manly grasp
"oh! lady so fair, so precious
if I can ever have a night with her."

She was as angelic as she could ever be
she didn't know about His secret crush
but then He came to visit more often.
His tough muscle hypnotised her heart
A man to depend, a sole to love
a trust to get beheld in His arms.

"Oh! my lady come to my arms
give into yourself, and spend a moonless night
oh! my lady, I will give you a life
my love I will give, spendin' one night."

"Oh! lord of supreme power
am jus a small priestess of towering Athena's temple
livin' the ages of bronze
will you protect me, will you love me?
Forever in your arms
will you behold?
Is there in that heart
do I have a place, a part?
Like you stay in here
forever and always
and you can never part."

"Yes my lady! Yes my love,
not a night but life would be together.
Hold my hand and move this way
show our trust, and let'me hold you today"

Oh! so lucky, a God had her loved
she was a priestess, she was so fair
an innocent heart paid for being in love
her angelic soul for once fell in love.

But what turned her into a monster,
it was a curse of a jealous heart.
"Let her beautiful hair turn to serpents
make her face so terrible to behold
that the mere sight of it
would turn onlookers to stone
I curse you! I curse you!
you are the refuge of my temple
Athena says you are filth
then how dare you tried to seek love.
now pay for your mistakes
now pay for being in love.
Leave now! leave now!
Leave my temple
where you brought the dirt."

"Oh! Poseidon save me from this curse
I love you, I made no mistake
tell mother I deserve your love"

"Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!
your appalling face deserves no love
You monster! seductive, sinful creature!
you would be abandoned in Erebus.
I leave you! I abandon you!
I turn my back on you!
you ain't deserve to be in love"

"No my lord don't leave me
I loved you, I trusted you
Please hold my hand now.
Oh! mother I served you so long
my childhood, my youth I laid
in your honor inside temple's door.
Please don't curse me,
I ain't done any wrong
No sin I made
Don't make me pay for my love.
Save me oh! mother, Save me oh! my lord,
Save me oh! god, Save me oh! god,
sob... sob... sob!"

Her wails were ignored
her whimper faded away
her name though still remembered
A monster called Medusa
one who paid for being in love.
Later killed by her lover's son
Perseus called her punishment well-done
A life ended, a sole dead in grave and betray
Oh! we call her Medusa
the one who paid for being in love.

Burnt out Raven!!

2011-01-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

I stood up
but nobody listened to my howls
I have been blamed now
for my mistake of being unheard

The past of my lost ways
the fate been buried to grave
the hurt been discarded
discrimination in two faiths.

Am watchin' here standing still
my head's bowed to other's feet
"I ain't wanna be the same... wanna be the same!"
I SCREAM, saving me
from my diminishing existence.

My sobbing silence yells to the world
"give li'l mercy to this loving heart"
my fault can't be Am in love
believe my say as I have grown up.

"I ain't wanna be the same... wanna be the same"
This all I have to say
So be with it or discard
Coz I'll be what I be
granted by you or not!

Movin' On

2011-01-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

Its been so long yet we remember every scar whenever taking a trip down the memory lane, or whenever the broken bones ache if pushed li'l harder. Its human tendency not to accept the present, sometimes it is the past which is better, or the uncertain future would be good if you jus loosen up by making some sacrifices. But uncertain and unreal is not that's gonna shape the future, nor would gettin lost in the past make things better. Nothing gonna change by keepin' the pain alive in the heart. But what if I can't let it go? A sleepin' dragon doesn't mean a dead one. Its furious in all the same ways if poked a li'l to wake it up, furious enough to destroy everything around, lettin' go of the good and demolishing the bad. But loss can only be wept on by the one who has lost it, who's gonna judge later, if it was worth it.
The start of this year, I made no resolutions. But I made a prayer not to God but the world, to be in peace, to keep the enchanting harmony alive. But 2nd Jan 1 AM, I stood in front of the mirror drunk and asked myself a question, "Forget the world... did I do it?" And of course, an honest drunk answer "Nope! Not at all!". If I can't have control over myself, am totally not rightful to expect the same thing from others. Whatever the reason would be, rage, anger, and frustration, ain't the answer. Ego doesn't solve anything. Its not gonna fix the future, its not gonna heal your past. The only thing it can leave you with is a team of mistakes, regret, disappointment, sorries and what could've been. And if it takes a meaningful apology and a true start to fix all, I'll choose to take it. If you don't, then I would say, "Welcome to the Team, man!"

Peaceful Buddha

2010-12-31T09:58:00.000-08:00

Everybody, Have a great and peaceful New Year...

Presenting you the peace loving Buddha I made. For more snaps of the Buddha sculpture, check out the Slide show.

I hope there comes no rage and hatred shadowing the world in the next year... or the years to come after... I know its too much to ask for from the world.... But please people! Readers, Please Help the world to bring Peace, for the world to Heal !!

If it needs to spread anything, spread Love and Happiness...

The Lone Teardrop

2010-12-31T04:56:00.000-08:00

By Sir Charlemagne from Feline Smile

Sometimes some touching words leave you with some happy and sad tears, so perfectly acquainted with your life that you left numb, how someone else felt exactly what you feel.

1 Jan 2009 we started to a path unknown and new, we started our journey and we started to walk together and decide to continue on this forever and always. Today's 31 Dec 2010, its been 2 years we had passed ups and downs, and still passing some li'l twist and turn in the drive of our life. Whilst continuing this journey, today morning I told him about my Grandpa and his last couple of days. And today on our 2nd Anniversary the beautiful and much precious gift he has gifted me. He gift me with a poem, a poem to my Grandpa, a poem that something I wanted to create but the words never whispered back. I was practically AWWed! By the words and feeling as if they are mine even if not being mine.
So first time am posting something not created by me or under the name of Outlines of Shades but brought to its existence, only and only by Sir Magnum with his honest emotion.

A Li'l Salute to my Grandpa

Staring back at the blank plastered ceiling
waiting for, listening eagerly for whispers
of my last breath escaping
floating above all dear ones,
through the hospital roof
and into the eternal sunshine.
"Hold on just another day,
for your granddaughter's graduating today"
These lone whispered words
in the voice I so loved
of my soulmate, of my wife
wiping the long tear streaks
on her age-impressed cheeks
reverberated through my worldly demise.
I remember her still fresh life
memories of her sweet, buxom smile,
and her dear daughter, the star of our lives
still learning to navigate through life.
Ah! how quickly does time pass away
why it was just yesterday
when she paddled over to me on all fours
beaming with the brightest of smiles
prodding with her tiny little stubs
blabbering on in her eternal rhymes.
Remembering again, my life that has been
recapturing inside, the sounds and the sights
the moments and memories that I have acquired
I wish to carry along with me to the other side.
I look at them all once more through my hazy eyes
as a single lone tear slides silently but gently,
traversing its short life to the ear from the eye.

P.S : Its really lucky to have someone in life who understands every strand of emotion I feel. I wish today that I have it forever.

Merry Christmas !! to all Readers

2010-12-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

- by Outlines of Shades

Sorry Readers, for posting this a day after Christmas. I posted it on Facebook, mailed everyone I but forgot to put it on my blog.... So Sorry Sorry Sorry.... But the delay is worth the wait.... Check out a snap of the very special Christmas tree below:

I made this exquisitely hand-crafted miniature Christmas tree made from a complete scotch-brite packet...
unbelievable? .. Believe it!
But with a l'il help from my Star... Sir Magnum with the Star on the tree and standing strong black base over which the whole creation is balanced.

Best Wishes
Cleora

P.S : Merry Christmas to all... Christmas is all about merry, at least its what I believe... so my friends and family cherish the merry when you shower some of it.
Check the slide show for minute details.

A Way To INCEPTION

2010-12-26T09:35:00.000-08:00

If you love some one so much and have spent happily a lifetime with that person then if you get a chance to spend the another lifetime again, to grow old together, to live a new life, You choose not to.
Jus' watch "Inception", not needed to say anything about the movie as it speaks for itself and if it ain't the imdb does. But the point it proves is that how a simple small harmless idea can bring a huge change in someone for better or for worse. We continually try to change things around us, God wonders when we really did try to change ourselves, when was the last time we stood in front of mirror not putting a makeup over our arrearage rather facing our own inside the very core where there is only survival of darkness and chilling cold. Where no one, no matter how close they may be is allowed, other than you yourself, that inner core that can be judged, protected and shared only by us, but only after we face it.
Sometimes we accept changes, for the sake of situation, what world demands. Some other times, for the sake of someone. But its only you to judge if that change is what you really are or jus a mask to pretend to put on a look-good face.
Whatever the reason is to change, even if you pretend, there is a change that exists, and for that very moment and every flow for every new experience and a new idea there is

something of a beginning, a start called an "Inception".

Best wishes
Cleora

P.S : If you still waitin' to watch the movie... then definitely watch it soon, but when you are in mood to handle heavy stuff. 'Coz this movie will literally sweep you off your feet.

And Leonardo... Well Done! if you read my blog ;)

I Am Nobody

2010-12-19T13:42:00.000-08:00

- by Outlines of Shades

Its nobody

who touches my heart,
Its nobody
who feels my part,
Its nobody
who wipes my tears,
Its nobody
who holds me in fear,
Its nobody
from the start,
Its nobody
to mend my broken heart.

Several tears
I weep in darkness
in front of a silent mirror
choking in silence.

Its me
sitting alone now,
Its me
somewhere somehow,
Its me
lost in the darkness,
Its me
clawing in the recess,
Its me
falling apart,

Its me

dying of a broken heart.

Swishes Of My Brush

2010-12-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

Am uploading my new painting in my slide show but by any chance if you miss to have a glance of it... here you can.

Look Through The Darkness

2010-12-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

Darkness, its one simple word that symbolizes many things all at the same time. Darkness can be meant as in grave, a lost faith, suffering of pain. But is it associated only with the negativity in life? Let me share with you some new shades out of darkness.

When I close my eyes
and sleep
I dream though
the darkness I see.
When I remember my past
the happiness and sorrow
already cast,
I look though the darkness
turn the pages
wrote in black.
The hope lost
walkin through a tunnel
if lighted all place
how can I find a way out?
I wish for a darkness
all around
to see a li'l ray of light
to find a hope beside
a way I can find.
Darkness can be meant
as in grave,
a lost faith
and suffering pain,
a darkness is ignorance
but reason to question
an answer to face.
Darkness can be a strength
an unconditional belief
to sustain,
Darkness is absolute faith
in a dark room to be safe.
Dark can be grave
a funeral to take
but there's
other side of darkness
the darkness over which
our universe is held.

P.S : There's no pleasure to have colors and light in life always, without the darkness sometime shading our path.

Lonely Love

2010-11-30T02:32:00.000-08:00

A touch of unconditional care,
faith to wait for the right moment,
sudden surprise of being happily shocked,
numbed by my own defination.

But then the darkness of questions,
unanswered insecure thoughts.
Uncertain fate of loneliness,
trustless scars that paused.

Happen to heal everytime,
each scar left by every fight.
Pain jus fades away,
and peaced with dried eyes.

But am so tired now
dis-believe it'll ever stop.
Lost my faith with scattered pieces,
looking at my broken heart.

Trapped in my insecure fears,
my cries are unheard
These sobbing graves insida me
won't be burried with love.

Painless Suicide

2010-11-21T05:23:00.000-08:00

Its very easy to runaway.
So soon it has been too late.
Still taking a last trip
down the memory lane,
with broken heart
and cloths with blood stain.
Am silent, quite but restless,
they blames all on me
and unlawful justice,
breakin my dreams everyday day,
now everysec I blame my existence.

Darken my eyes
don't get wet anymore
my heavy heart
jus let everyone go.
"Is it easier to let all go?"
"oh! my guilty heart
how can you make 'em satisfied?"
I saw no way to rescue myself,
I saw its comin,
its closer to my pain
"can I at least find a way?"
to bid a goodbye
to let 'em abide by
to find a last way
a way for painless suicide.

I think about it
again and again
find new place
find new way.
but what would be there
on that last sec,
what I would want
other than living again.
"I love you" would I want, to say
or a goodbye grace, I will take.

If I close my eyes
who would be the last face?
Would they be smiling
in dry eyes
or drop a tear or two
on my lifeless wound.
Would I feel any pain
until I breadth
or embrace the death
in lonely myth.

Would I find a way,
to bid a goodbye
to let 'em abide by
a way for painless suicide.

Invisiblity

2010-11-18T01:46:00.000-08:00

His heart aches with the
pain of loneliness,
The feelin' of invisibility
haunt his way through darkness.
"Let Go!"
the screams surround his hope.
He pulls a bullet to his heart
which passed through his soul.
Nobody came to his funeral
Not a single tear for his departed sole.
A decade passed with
snow and rain.
As Eclipse falls to his grave,
the soulless body rise again.
His bleedin' eyes to looks at the world
"I wanted to quit!" he yells as far.
"Is there any solution to my aching heart"
He weeps over and over again
sitting in lonely dark.
Death ain't a solution,
he regrets for his mistake
"not even Light came to take me
is this is how am discard?"
Now he is invisible to earth
and each sole he pass.
I asked him "tell me if you feel any difference
from the pain of your scars."
he nodded whilst saying
"a single step, I wish I could have start"

P.S : A painfully beautiful Post by Sir Charlemagne over the same base "The Agony of a Heavy Heart".

Bleedin Eyes

2010-11-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

The eyes with which he once looked at me
as once he told they followed me
some hidden love I made him feel
and believe in hope yes i did.

There came another day
he looked again
to share his feelin
to share my trust
his eyes so comforted
I lived a fairytale
he brought me back my life
he showed a dream
a princess a precious
a castle in stars.

But I saw him today
same eyes filled with hatred
his finger pointing at me
blaming me, judging my scars
I ain't believe in fate anymore
hurt but i believe I took steps so long
but did I miss a single step
that I fell short of
distance to cover that bridge to yours
your heart was never to my reach
Now am sitting in darkness
all of my own
unnoticed tears dried on my cheeks
and nothin' with and nothin' I seek
departed from destiny
I have lost my path
my heart aches so much now
I tired of this walk.
I try to now remember your eyes
those sparkling beauty I had missed
the love I found but all with my fake beliefs
the feeling of hatred at last it stared me with.

Its Sad How Loss Comes

2010-11-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

Its sad how loss comes and struck us with its hardest stroke suddenly and unexpectedly. Without us having a blink of an idea that something matter to us would be taken away in next couple of seconds, that one thing which we want to protect with all of our life and nurture with our soul, if given a chance to. That one thing that will tear our heart inside out if we loose its existence from our life. The pain of aching heart and nausea of aching stomach due to the emptiness and hollow feeling jus never dies away. And all this numbness with a thought of, how loss can come and stuck us with its hardest stroke suddenly and unexpectedly.

What made me sense such feelin'? Well weird thing is how a small to smallest episode of incidents can affect our state of being. How something we haven't been a part of, can drastically change the directions of the our thoughts to recall if this has or could happen to me.

Yes, all am feelin' right now is sorrowful with discarded faith from the judgment of heavenly powers. Reason...? if I write it now... you won't be reading the document ahead. Ya! am tryin' to build a suspense here but with a promise to let you know of the reason before I end this post.

It takes a long time for the scattered pieces to come together and create a beautiful screen, it also takes lots of effort to make the clay to sculpture but we don't know how long this beauty of that mesmerizing happiness and satisfaction can stay. We do everything possible in our part to hold to that moment and cherish the benevolence out of it. We don't know hows the next second gonna be like, is it gonna devastate our future, or gonna bless us with more than we can imagine. If life is an uncertain "how?" which if frightens us then we wont be living at all. Someone said "Every song has a chord a final movement, Whether it fades out or crashes away. Every song ends but is that any reason not to enjoy the music."
Absolutely, its about life and how You live it. Each one of us is worthy of the beautifully waved life we are living. It depends on only us what we see and what we carry, is it dark ash from the past or uncertain hope of joy and cheers ahead. Decide yourself what you choose! 'coz it gonna decide if you are stuck or going to move on. Life is another name for water, which flows making new paths and changing directions.

By the meantime I need to figure out, how I move on?

Take care
Cleora

P.S : The reason for such thought is, I was watchin' a particular series (Genre : Drama) these days. From where I absorbed the pain of lost lives of the dear ones, which made me numb with a fear, how am gonna deal with such situation if face any.

Guity with your Lies

2010-11-08T22:09:00.000-08:00

They call me refuge
am a piece of garbage
they call me discarded
am suffocatin'
what am suppose to do?

I call 'em, they're full of curve
piece am stuck with, under sky of dust
can't depend on li'l mean feeling of yours
so ask 'em dig li'l deeper
so they lay far apart.

I have no grudge of my own
swallowin' all the pain I got
I bleed the thoughts,
the word you put me to hurt.

How can you point that finger at me
I wanna shut the door on you
now its time for taking action
am not guilty no matter
how you put the question
I will again ask you why.

Am gonna discard you
without even explaining why
I leave you to wonder and cry
I will end with you
when its minute to midnight.

Lost Him to Life

2010-11-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

He walked away from me
taking small steps
my voice was shaking
loosing him in grave.
I watched him go away
I waited all his way
did he care where I go?
'coz he didn't turn a single time
a last glance he didn't care to steal
a last love he didn't make me feel.
I waited still my eyes go all his way
a hope, a faith, something change, and he will stay.
He went away, he's gone his way.
Am now standing at edge
before I fall into my grave.
I think of the memories
I cherished with every passing day.
A smile he had so dear,
a life he made so worth,
A way he made me walk on,
I hold his hand, as he held mine
he called me his precious sweetheart
with all the colorful dawn.
Now the world is grey to me
with the shadows of haunted sober
happiness and laughter buried in probable trait.

He walks away, he walks away,
his head down and shoulders straight.
he walked away, he's gone his way
didn't take a glance, didn't feel my stay,
where he walked away is no more my way,
My hope got lost and all faith is stopped
I have lost my way I have lost a way
the way he found me on, someday.

Silence That Chills

2010-11-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

An empty darkness is haunting me
am lookin' around
sounds of unknown screams.

My heart is empty
surrounded with fears
sucking the blood my past had bleed
am emptiness left with scar
anguish memory which never heal.

Look at me
with eyes filled with tears
can I smile after
you mimic my mirror.

The pain of silence
is locked under water
reflection of purity
I had bear
A second it took
to make all shatter
into the darkness lost forever.

Abandoned memories now chasing me
I've lost my way aimlessly
Now if you come back
I won't be able to forgive.

Pick You, I Do

2010-11-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

- Answered to Prick Me Not, My Lovely Rose by Sir Charlemagne

Picked you once
Will Pick you again,
Every stage you're mine
Pick you in lost fate
will Pick you when I cry
The sorrowful dismay
will never let me sway behind
I will pick you once
I will pick you fine
I pick you always
in shadow and shine.

You're thorn closest to me
You said you promised
you'll protect me
Stranger be not, my protector.
prick will hurt in silent shutter.
Hurt you once, hurt you fine
pain I feel in lonely eyes.
Picked you once, will pick you twice
pick you always my only spike

Trapped inside a Lilith

2010-10-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

I can see, the tears dropping from my eyes
I can feel its warmth, rolling down my cheeks
its my face, its my lips
and the words that I speak
but I don't know who is it?
who's that devil
controlling me?

I can see, I can see
but something else is controlling me,
the unfaithful trust am bound to believe,
someone else's life am forced to live.

I can feel, I can see,
crying my soul back
crying to seek
crying for a second chance
crying to be free

trying to breathe, trying to live,
air of trust, beginning of belive
I had thoughts, hoped held high
but something else is now part of me,
insida me, beginning to deceive.

I don't know what am fighting for,
I don't know what am fighting against,
all I want weeping loud
hide in arms of someone my own.

All I want is someone to understand,
am scared, trapped by fears
all I hope for an unconditional trust,
believe me, my soul is scarred
accept me for what I am.
Fill me with love, don't despair me.
Am not a Lilith! Am not a Lilith!
An innocent girl still hiding inside me

Crying Howls in Galloping Street

2010-09-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

- Inspired by The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes

Crying howls in moon light
night so dark bleeding eyes
firing storm doesn't calm down
whats left with dawn
is mourning sound.

Moving on with tied up thoughts
pulling sword scaring soul
truth degrade, fallin' inception
drenching rain
lost the perception

Galloping street
stands waiting today
Alone I scream weep in silence
tears role down warmin' cheeks
awaited still in false belief.

Crying howls lookin' for peace
unsettle memories, burning kiss
seasons so gone cold it is
heartless emotionless left with this.

Silver moon shines in morning light
shadow so grave dark is sky
grooming blossom in crying eyes
waitin' your step, you will pass by.

There comes the autumn
I waited so long
now tearin' eye with joy with dreams
comeback I will live another life.

Passed by the same horses
rode over those same street
wines and beers
bottled they leave.

I awaited still
you yet to come
my eyes are drained
weepin' on.

So long it has been
I went to that inn
sat in pause
not hungry, no feel
upstairs my room
still a while
blood stain on floor
a gun to my chest

Is that the reason
I can't cry
Is that the reason
I am silent
Is that the reason
you wont come.
On those galloping ways
you'll never pass by.

Forgotten Flames

2010-08-04T03:56:00.000-07:00

In my mind where
I beginning to think
where several paths
in front of me
which way it links.
Intention too instinct
no route to be convinced
goes on in my own way
in hollow thought
in empty space
Lost in the crowd
world filled with hatred.

Its too dark
Its to feel
numbing cold
forgetting chills
stand up
take a step
forgotten past
can't keep you held.

If I pretend
a blink of freedom
uncaught in destiny
Melody in rhythm
lost in reality.
Leaving pieces
of solace behind
unwrapping your soul
to cover up sins
abandoned in corners of mind.

Its too dark
Its to feel
numbing cold
forgetting chills
stand up
take a step
forgotten past
can't keep you held.

Not so hard
to keep it real
end of day
all you feel
passing green
passing gray
every stone
carried away.
Frozen screams
burnt to grave
tattered soul
demons crave.
Bleeding heart
pulsing fire
its my life
a lonely satire.

Its too dark
Its to feel
numbing cold
forgetting chills
stand up
take a step
forgotten past
can't keep you held.

By Outlines of Shades

Beggar In Love

2010-07-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

Am a beggar in love
I have nothin' to give
A treasure of pain
weepin' ocean I cry
can't give that too instead.

Still I took the step
chose the way of mistake
I fell in love
so true I trust.
Faking face inside the mirror
lies and paints dreams aerial
mocking my reality
it smiles on my agony.

You were the rescuer of time
salvation you had promised
"As long as you're in my castle
my princess you'll be my precious"
I was living in fairytale
singing birds in strawberry lakes.

But am a beggar in love
if I have nothin' to give
how do I pay back
you gave some dream
broke 'em in pieces
so I have given all up
I've thrown my love away.

Am leaving your way
go ahead be brave
your pretty li'l part
now you can get back.

Am a beggar in love
I have nothin'
that I can take it back
I had your li'l love
my only way
from cruelty and pretend
but along came the past
now swept me away.

I can't blur those hurt
the pain survived I had
trust left so weak
to depend I did.

Now you again promised
Redemption came your way
to earn a li'l bread
and a piece of respect
but my love, I already left your way
my heart is stoned
my feelings are dead
I remember the time
when I had lost all ways,

Do I have reason to move on
to erase the space in between
there's darkness in my heart
where memories carved in scars
every lie every denial every mistake
led my scream in silence
I wanna feel a feeling of love
feeling to cross
this distance that divides.

Am a beggar in Love
I have nothin' to give.

The Void In My Chest

2010-07-09T08:45:00.001-07:00

Am a face so cold
expressionless
emotion I had
drown in gust
water now roles down
warms my cheek
saline it tastes
sound of drip.

Innocent memories vanish
and fade in darkest shades
silent are my screams
disappearing in my grave
I look down, no hope
endless road i see
no destination no motto
no pretending perfectionist.

I take a step to end this passage
to move on and laugh again
fake a smile to smile again
weeping storm draining rain
I stand alone I have been left again
Am looking down on what I wrote
couple of notes crumble in my hold
I care No More they say
the endless road must have a way
the grass will be green some way ahead
I care but I turn around
I smile I see the sun shine
still these scars remind
past so ghastly left behind.

June

2010-06-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

Whole June past away
not a single word
I could phase
scars are haunting
dreams of death
memoirs unmasked
intense wound
bloody pain

Silent scream
now watching my grave
carried away
with furious flames.

If there's a way
to control the time
every blink of second
to be captured in mind
spil that sand
from the glass of hour
to separate the pain
for now and forever.

Straight From Petals' Heart

2010-05-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

I accept all the petals of your heart,
holdin your hand again am steppin to start
Suddenly there's somethin' stung me,
am hurt heart broken but love I see
mournin' time I took a while
instead of regret I pass a smile
now tell me will you try with me,
'coz we fail and trying in worthwhile.
I can't stop judging scars inside me,
several years it takes me to heal.
Its pain the aching heart unreplaced
but placing another will take me to dread
the thought leaves me so empty
I try to run away
not take another pity
passin by your face catch my way
first time we were alone
first time jus being eachothers' friend
a laughter out of darkness
a light that kept shinning my way
feels like a dream today
blurred past that was made of clay
promise me now
jus one more time
may not be diamond
but will stay
tough enough to face the rough
in your palace where I will be safe.

Tears Of Broken Dreams

2010-05-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Its broken
its saline
its warm
when it flows down.
It hurts
its unsaid
its quite
but it screams out.
It has no color
it means nothin'
its so worthless
its a waste.
It doesn't have to be
it leads no where
its a sign
of disappointment
and of fears.
It shows no hope
its end of the way
its a shadow
of the dark grave.
It asks for mercy
it begs to survive
it comes for love
it goes when die.
Its a pity
its a pain
it cries inside
with a stitched smile.
Its broken
its silent
it has no color
its a sign
its a waste
its a shadow
its a pity
its a love
its a disappointment
its a pain
its unseen
its my tears
of broken dreams.

Am Not! THE ONE

2010-04-17T16:38:00.001-07:00

How can I be the one
the charmed can't stay long
the spell will break some how
the color will darken our vow
signs aren't right to mow
then how can I be the one.
Seen that smile I never see
all the pictures hold good to me
miss the one I can no where see.
No one remembers
fade I will be
stand alone I shall always be
no one to hold
dying in scarcity.
I can't be the one
the mistake the evil
the haunting reality
I've carried with me
blood on my mouth
of the murdered souls
every night every day
the light fades
another inch away.
How can I be the One
letting you go
cherish your pure soul
bloody my hands
nested my corrupted thoughts
palace I built was built of gold
carrying a diamond
found in rough
but deserted dearth
unfound till now
drowned some where
under Atlantis shore.
The one could be the one
have you forgot the man
the laugh the chill
so fine you can be
no cries no screams
no failing dreams
the freedom the air
the never ending sky unseen
the cherry and the champagne
those beautiful words coming
no guilt no fight
or pain in between.
You say you were lost
I say you've lost
Lost a way
lost a path
lost a destiny
to your heart
Lost a passion
Lost your cast
you're now loosing
your own past.
See yourself look in the mirror
Man standing infront of you
are you strong
are you confident
are you the person
like captured innocence
those still memories
speak a lot
you look good
apart from me being your part.
I wish I never existed
exist in your life
or at least if I came
I wish could have lost.
I can't be the one
am ditched with pain
loneliness and blame
am wicked insane,
troubled to be hold
relation I find
am a gypsy wondering the heights.
When I look back
I see the time
stuck sand hurt my eyes
the flowing river
pass me by
so don't regret don't feel sorrow
never drop a tear
for trust be the one
never to be borrowed
if you remember
remember what I say now
remember this song
which I call
Am Not! THE ONE.

Salvation To The Rescue

2010-04-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

All my life I was loved
carried with all my flaws
sane insane pain was touched
then i see feelin' of disregard.

Pain carries no fear
stupid and brave it bears
so much darkness filled in passion
death feels like only salvation.

Anger led to no mercy
cries and tears are not worthy
what is scar that's never lost
but heals pain to bruising past.

Then he touched
with love so pure
scars jus vanished
fade in fog.

Hope for peace
he asked me so true
forgive and forget
move from these blues.

Pain will disappear
with med of trust
mountain ocean
together we'll cross

Rest in peace
being one soul
happily ever after
one day we shall be.

My Only Weakness

2010-04-10T15:56:00.001-07:00

I call it my only weakness
when I stand strong
and can't show broken tears
I hide fears
don't speak
that my heart is crying
from distant creed

I call it my only weakness
I love
but let go
I stop where
am slow.

I call it my only weakness
I sob
I fail
I try
for one more time.

I call it my only weakness
am scared
but I hide
am not
brave in my lonely times

I call it my only weakness
the strength
the smile
a fear of whisper hidden unfaced

I call it my only weakness
when I fight without an alibi
I keep quite
when hurt touches deep inside

I call it my only weakness
when am alone I realize
undone my mistake
can't be buried behind

I call it my only weakness
am cold
I fake
when am strong
but weak at the bottom line.

Vampires’ Grave

2010-04-01T00:14:00.000-07:00

Once it’s gone
nothing can fill that space
its dark
its empty
it’s a living hell.
Bitterness costs something,
sometimes it’s so frustrating,
pit of hatred in heart
where disappointment creeps within.
I can't control,
I cannot trust,
several mysterious spells
the wind cries to thrust.
Sobbing memories
Keep the faith blurred,
But then I took a pause
to acknowledge the trust.

Crossin’ several lost souls,
I emerged.
Rose from the dead
to a furious hunt.
Feeding upon the crimson luscious,
sucked through the flowing gall.
Livings called me callous vamp
with their inhuman stung.

Returned to skeleton boneyard,
I wiped my colored past
snow has covered my grave,
the stone’s beauty has past,
but after so many lives I fed
now it’s time for me to rest.
I don’t breathe,
I don’t sob,
coz I feel nothing
neither glee nor gust.
My death hasn't
changed the world,
no rage or revenge
can make it shut.
I am a Vampire
filled with grudge,
but am scared
with these bruising facts.

Turned to the dead
I found warmth of love
overwhelmed with several words
I stood mute with tears.
My soul so purified,
passion to fury
evaporated from the dust.
Peace I have finally found
in a cold sober.
Smiled at the world for the last time
R.I.P I wish with a Good bye.
concord pacifism I crossed my heart
sleepin’ beneath the stone of Shady White.

Invincible Curse

2010-03-08T08:37:00.001-08:00

Something insida me
is taken
is broken
is shattered
in my darkest dream,
Something inside
never comin’ back
never be replaced
even after loudest scream.

I've scattered my parts apart
broken myself in two halves
destroyed every emotion I had
hitting your invincible curse.

I can face myself with your blames
take my shame to the grave
benevolence falling from the edge
when I see your look on my face.

Suddenly wind jus stopped,
am suffocating words of disregard.

Dearth of redemption, I feel
’coz abstruse scar would never heal .

Am scared but not running
‘coz old pages won’t be turning.

Accepting your ugly pathos of reality
inflate my deepest sanity,
Caged with your ghastly formalities,
I invade my own identity.

Nosferatu Chords

2010-02-09T04:59:00.001-08:00

Going on to a new tomorrow
bumped with blurred past
Turned a few to ashes
to keep away the
screwed up parts
A token of yesterday
that was borrowed
for sake of forgiveness
for all that has hurt
for the truth insight
Unfinished shades of memory
guilt that are disregard

I got up
am caught with
again shut up
with the darkness
insida me
Am done with
I cant take back
am washing my hand
from ghastly tact

A Faking mourning smile
feeling hurt deep inside
Angels cry with me
and Devils are justified
Looking for tomorrow
still no hope for sunshine
Darkness leaks tears
Vampires kissing bloody night.

I got up
am caught with
again shut up
with the darkness
insida me
Am done with
I can’t take back
am washing my hand
from ghastly tact

Saving one last spark
Creeping in the pitched up lost
Feeling trap with dreadful grudge
Exile from the start
Sealing the pain within the walls.

So am shutting the door
on you
Turn back
never face me
Taking back
everything you had
Am falling
am crumbling
am not showing
a single tear I have
So if you face me
I face you
With another mourning smile.

Prologue To My (goin’ to be) First Novel

2010-01-21T06:12:00.001-08:00

Somewhere in ‘05,
Dear Reader,

It’s 3 O'clock in the mornin’. I don't remember the date ‘coz I haven’t been updating the journal for quite a long time. For weeks I’ve been tryin’ to face myself, the person I am, the person standin’ in front of the mirror. But tonight when I was going through some captured memories of my precious, I realised just how amazing those moments were! I couldn’t hold myself from feeling gracious and smiling at the vivacious little acts she used to put together just to see me smile. Today, even though she’s not with me, she has made me smile after a very long time. I look at myself in the mirror, see myself lively and smiling, and question “Do I deserve to smile? Do I deserve to be happy?” Maybe not! But I can’t help feeling happy, satisfied and complete whenever I think about her and grieve at the same time that I can no longer be with her, or have the things I had, no matter how hard I try. Seems like I will always be hollow inside, filled with nothin’ but regret and agony. The darkness will never go away, the mistakes I have made will never stop chasing me, and my tattered soul will never be whole again. So am making the last entry, to my diary and to my life, ‘coz my soul can’t have a second chance to make things right again, ‘coz my life is left with no meaning other than conveying its mistakes, ‘coz my conscience tells me that I deserve to die.
I don’t know who you are but you'll come to know me real better when you read this journal of mine, whose epilogue you are going through right now. If you're starting this journal from this entry, you might be wondering who am I, what’s my name, and what’s the reason I am dead? Honestly and to be straight, the answers to the first two questions don’t really matter ‘coz if you're reading this you either already know me or will be knowing me after you’ve read this journal. And if you don’t wish to continue then you definitely do not bother about me. Yes, it could've taken a word or two to explain who am I, but I kept on saying things that are ambiguous, ‘coz I see the world differently and that’s the answer to the last question, the reason I am dead. Am not a coward, am not scared of anything, am not running' away from my responsibilities, then why am doing somethin' that am doing, because my death is the only way for the world to know my memoir.
Well, am not a guy who keeps memoir of everything he does, but then I started with this habit when I felt handicapped to understand the things that were going around me. Pretty crazy you know! Wasn’t' able to keep track of what’s happening when, why am standin' in the middle of a street, sleep walkin', hallucinating, and forgetting things. While sitting' beside my friend’s dead body in the morgue, I realised that my memories were playing games with me and decided to capture them into pictures or words and cage them on paper.
Am an artist by profession, the Artist who can’t part with its artistry, the one who captures the very flowing emotion that never comes back, the beauty of very instant that slips away if not captured on canvas, the beauty I used to come across every day. Now that she’s been missin’ like forever, what’s left in me is mere flesh and bones with running blood streams, walkin’ alone, heading nowhere. The last string that connects you and the world to me is this journal. And through this last page I implore you dear reader, never let go of the love you have, ‘coz there are very few people in this world whom you meet only once in a lifetime. If you lose them, they may never come back. If the story of my life recorded in here helps you in any way, then let it help someone else too. Perhaps that’s the only way I can redeem myself for the mistakes I‘ve made.

Jason Ames (a.k.a Jesse)

Azrael Awaits Me

2009-12-30T07:23:00.001-08:00

Am a soul without direction,
unloved and discarded
from perfection,
Hands of mine colored in crimson
unclotted blood dripping through my redemption
Forgotten memories coming clear to mind
slipping time freezin' me behind
Eyes bleeding painful tears
smile is forced over stressful fears
Azrael standin’ in front of me
waiting for the time
lifeless I will be
memories still am holdin' back
future I don't have when I see my hand
No pain anymore its feels relief
escaping art, and death surreal
regret for once staying back
now goin' away
relief and satisfaction
for those are pained
Ready to go now
am leaving behind
memories and past
I have lived to remind.

A Thorn Of Perfection

2009-12-07T11:36:00.001-08:00

Life is so perfect,
That my Heart is,
Weeping tears of flame.
Scared my mind,
Asking no devil to
play another game.
Jus livin’ in this heaven
Feels life lived
in one moment.
No harm can invade,
This protection,
Several chilling snow,
Calming with passion.

Life so perfect,
Dream i had to have,
Weeping tears, I cried to see,
And now its all before me,
But am scared if its all gone some day
And love whisper back to me and says,
Every moment I live,
is year passing gift,
flashes are blurring
with the scar forever fading.

Life so perfect can't catch again,
If lost
There some people you meet
only once in a lifetime.
This heals pain inside
my bleeding heart cries one name
Life so perfect I would end with my THE END.

Descry the Darkness of Bournville

2009-11-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

A price of...

Perfection,

A taste of...
Hardwork,

A flavor of...
Purity,

An ecstasy of...
Quality,

A chunk of...
Bournville.

Are You A Manager???

2009-11-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

I have heard people talking about "destination"... usually questioning what is your Motto...? When I was a child like any other kid I used to say Doctor... then I grew up and said Engineer... or more specifically software engineer... why? don’t know maybe heard someone talking about it then after facing the environment outside the house to be safe I choose to be a manager hence Lets Go For MBA....

Surprisingly we never ever answer the question asked to us but we do keep on going round and round in a circle. Man! The pending unsettled question is still the same "what's YOUR wish? What YOU wanna be? Where is your destiny?" at least answer one of it.... :O Confused? ya me too.

When we were kids we used to say what our elders taught us... they said "you look good in an apron" and we replied "I will become a doc" when time passed a few seasons the idea, more precisely the destiny, is now changed to become an engineer then by the time completing engineering we find "oh! those friends of mine are doing MBA" or each of two parent would talk to couple of other parents and then we find ourselves appearing CAT, XAT or other management 'xams but hold on! Do you really want this...? Do you even know what you want...? You are grown ups, have a mind to think so why not use it.... why thinking along other’s verbiage. Oh! have you figured out any of the above? if not stand before the mirror and ask yourself who you are?

In most of the management interviews it’s being asked Why you wanna do MBA...? Answering things are very easy, Making up is easier.... what's difficult is to face the truth... asking why? Do a search in Google and you'll find several satisfying answers but which answer satisfies you? which answer is really You? First ask yourself before appearing your paper are you eligible? Is this you’re meant to be? If all the answers are positive then ask yourself one last question, Do you really see yourself as a manager in the future? if yes then pack your bags and return, this is not what you came for. If you see yourself as a manager right now, the skills that drives your daily animation and bustle then this is where you need to be, this is where you're wanted.... It’s not 1 year preparation for CAT or getting 99 percentile in it or getting out of the bestest B School in the whole world that will make you a manager.... it’s You that makes you a manager.

I don’t know what CAT, XAT or other management exams are about but I know why I wanna be a manager... "Manager" this word ain't taught in any management college even in IIM or Kellogg’s, this is a quality that lies within, submerged inside a mortal, deep inside and sometime shows up as a spark of daily habit... MBA is nothing but a way to take you to your limit where you wanna reach... it’s not about the money, it’s not about the fame, it’s about YOU, it’s the destiny that Completes You... the B Schools can only help to shine a diamond from the rough black dirt.... but diamond is always a diamond...

its 21 days left for CAT now...

if you can manage time and within the last moment come ready crossing all hurdles and get yourself motivated at the same time, then you are a manager... if you don’t care what you got but use what you have, then you're a manager... if you know everything has failed, the last blood has been dripped but still have that passion to carry on then you're a manager, if you are scared of new life which passes through a lot of chaos, standing where you feel nothing is right anymore but still in that scary, frightening and bloodcurdling scene you haven't lost hope then you're a manager....

Now you decide by asking yourself... Are you a manger?

Remember Only difference between a brave and an ordinary man is that former can hold lil longer... you can’t be defeated until you've given up....

Revolution::The Fight Back

2009-10-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

Life sometimes is so unfair that it doesn't feel right to compromise with its unworthy situations... its like compromising with a lie, with injustice, with lawlessness... sometimes I ask myself, "Does goodness exists in this world anymore?" "Is God still lookin' at us or is He tired too...???"
There comes the rebel... when every way is closed... the clock ticks for revolution. A revolution for justice, a revolution for equality, a revolution for a better life. It has been said, GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES. Its time to fight back for what you truly believe in... The world is a beautiful place, but in the hands of a few it gets grey and nasty. For a better life, the world needs to be snatched away from them, 'coz rights aren't given but taken....

I Laugh Until I Cry

2009-10-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

Can you feel unfortunate and luckiest,
Both at the same time,
I have, I have been in
The situation when,
I laugh until I cry.
Can you escape the feelin' to depart,
Depart from a love one,
Leavin' tears in her eyes,
And pain behind.
You know she be lonely,
Incomplete when you're gone,
But she'll be waitin' in a hope,
Hope for you to return.
Tell me how you feel,
If sorrow and happiness
come on same side of a coin,
Have you been in the situation
Of departing love to meet a special one.
I have, I have been in the position
filled with joy and regret,
Condolence and comfort,
all in one occasion.
I have been in the dias,
Where turnin' back doesn't work,
Coz the train picks up
And I've to say that word.
Happy to see Mi Amor again
but my love so long I left back,
while getting in the train
seeing her alone in the station
fills me with pain
Oh God have mercy
Should I smile or cry
My heart feels strange
With several thoughts in my mind
I wish God keeps her safe
All I leave behind
She keeps smilin' always
I wish when
Think about her
And I laugh until I cry.

Youth Verbiage

2009-09-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

Moving inside inane darkness,
Followed by detrimental closeness,
Faith that slowly erodes,
With the exacerbates.

Simplification of abstruse feeling,
Legible expression in succinct understanding,
Macrocosm indict charges,
Never acquitted painful sicker.

Though soothing salvation
Imminent extempore,
Catastrophic demolition
Blunder its exploit.

Capture That...

2009-09-07T19:50:00.000-07:00

I wanna capture that time
Every moment that's fallin' apart
Every tear that your eyes depart
And every piece that connects to the start

I wanna capture those emotions
Every time I made you smile
Every turn your eyes sparkle tight
And every tide together we fight

I wanna capture those ignorance
When, with you everything else vanish
Being in your arms my world ravish
You & me and nothin' else exist

I wanna capture those pains
Every scar reminds of you
Every tear drop calls you
And my broken heart compiles for you.

I wanna capture you
One day I won't be here
Away from you, I won't fear
'Coz your memories, I'll always share.

Sacred Collection Of Sir Charlemagne

2009-08-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

HONEST MISTAKE

When you're upset,
You hurt me bad,
I take it all in,
And help you stand....
But all that hurt,
doesn't go away...
It tears my heart,
And bruises my soul,
All I ask of you is to show me a way,
How I can share the pain,
And be whole again.
Please stay with me,
When I sway,
I know I hurt you baby,
An honest mistake
Can I expect you to ignore it,
And listen to what the heart says?

MOURNING SMILE

If I'm so bad,
Jus Let me know.
If what I ask is too much,
Jus say so.
When I'm gone
Jus carry on.
Don't mourn,
Rejoice everything you hear
The sound of my voice,
Jus know
That I'm lookin' down at you smilin'
And I did not feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Jus smile me back.

DEATH A DREAM

Why death is so sweet and pure,
Why death is the only cure,
Why death tempting me,
Why death is all I see,
Why death the final rendezvous,
Why is death Oh! so true,
Why is death so hard to foresee,
Why doesn't death come for me?

Who Am I ???

2009-08-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm Lost, I'm broke,
I turn back, and keep that hold
I wait, I wait until you call me
And you call me back to our home.

I wonder, who am I?
I surrender, I jump into your arms,
Put me somewhere safe, hold me tight
Coz its here, where I belong.

Who am I? I wonder again & again,
Do I've an identity,
Call me heart, call me back,
Its only you, who can bring me if am lost.

Who am I? Tell me where I am,
I'm so lost,
I don't have a face,
Call me something, call my name.

I'm lost,
And you're confused,
Look inside your heart,
Tell me if I'm the one.

Tell me, If I'm someone, belong to you
Its me, its simply me
Its all I've figured
When I'm lost in you.

I Wish

2009-08-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

I wish I could again be a child,
Innocent & unaware of the world.
I wish I could have sound sleeps,
Careless & silent still snoring dreams.

I wish I could swing in the garden,
when breeze & birds sing with me.
I wish I could play with unreality,
If caught followed my elder's sanity.

I wish I could scream my heart out,
If I find my things are misfound.
I wish I could break things,
And try to hide 'em under closet wings.

I wish I could cry loudly,
When am weepy with leaking eyes.
I wish I could express myself,
And its cute everybody feel.

I wish I could scold my teddy
When I'm upset with the neighboring.
I wish I had an manikin,
To dress the way I want him.

I wish I could try my mom's heels
To look talk & feel big.
I wish I could dress up,
To pretend am grown up.

I wish to wish again,
To grow faster & have a plane.
I wish I couldn't have wished that day,
When I had all I wish today.

Demonic Angel

2009-08-24T03:14:00.000-07:00

Haunted devil has no plan
Angel voice it keep saying sangs
Drowned in love and soaked with blood
Undead life is far distant.
Life is deserted sand
Leaving control in my hands
Relation, compassion, trust and emotion
Play under demonic invasion.
Devil attracts, demon pull
Hell devastate every loving soul
Angel's love, vampire's kiss
Venomous bite but tears missed.
In angel voice it speaks again
Am the devil with hellish flames
But innocent eyes leave you confuse
I warn you, I warn you again
Coz free-will is one thing
I can't change in voodoo plane.
So giving you a fatal choice
Which way you wanna crawl
Stabbed by an angel
Or killed by a ghost
Coz Am not leaving now
And you're stuck with demon soul.

Unintentional Intimacy

2009-08-12T12:11:00.001-07:00

The touch of unclear words
The faith on uncertain love
Still a trust on the invisible start
That can't ever depart

An unconditional care
An unworthy spare
For the mistakes taking flight
And settle down after a fight

A fate to be together
A try to separate never
Still storm push us apart
But a hold that can't detach

A home with a lost direction
A soul without a destination
A pain that needs cure
With the love so pure

A river drowned in emotion
A kiss filled with passion
So a trust on untold future
Saving all to get it nurtured

How It Started???

2009-08-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

Sometime I am confused,
I wonder when and how it started.
It’s not something which is digital,
It’s been so slow and gradual.

So one day I stepped up,
I knew you were the one who was scared.
The fear I had that I would loose you.
The jealousy I had not to be misused.

I didn’t play black magic,
But you confess yourself on beach.
Did you know what was there in my mind?
But I accept my heart, what it was trying to cry.

We move on together into the feeling wasn’t new to us,
But every single leaf on our tree was freshly grown and blushes.
Every moment is rainbow,
Every sound is music of nightingale.

I was so lost in your heaven, where purity lies and divine crave in,
But suddenly I get hit by reality, so pitched darkness all I can see.
Do I really open up to you, or is it too much I expect,
Sometime I see you irritated, when you say that I make frustrate.

The hurt if I’ve, I keep insida me,
The silent walls surround, and the tears you can’t see.
But you carry my delicate heart,
That you protect from the start.

So you come to see,
Several hugs and kisses meant only for me.
Funny faces and stupid words,
You jus want to make me laugh.

Why you don’t let me stay angry,
Why don’t you jus let me go?
You hold my face and turn me to yours,
I’m lost in the innocent eyes and the thousand dreams it shows.

I don’t know when all these started,
I was lost, when you brought me back home.
You answered my question.
You stepped & hold.

I still wonder, when all these perceive,
You at once remind the day you came to station to receive.
You made the mirror so clear,
Everything in front of me was very real.

But still I stand confused & wondered,
When your trustful hands grab me as a reminder,
And your truthful lips tell me a story,
You closed my eyes said nothing to worry.

You started from beginning of the tale,
The day you gave me hugs and emotions didn’t fail.
It started when I kissed your lips,
So that you don't feel bad about kissing me.

It started with a trust,
Trusting more than anyone in the world.
It started with the faith,
That whatever you do, you won’t misbehave.

It started when we looked at each other,
We believe in a happy family together.
It started with a jealousy, it started with a change.
It starts every moment, moments that can never end.

500 Years & More

2009-08-12T12:00:00.001-07:00

I was flying to the sun,
But all I got was burnt.
I fell right down to the earth,
And I got all scattered apart.

I went in the shadow,
Coz I was scared of sunlight.
I stayed in the darkness,
No matter hows the sunny sky.

I cried all the night,
That i wanted to hold it tight.
But I preferred to stay down out of sight,
And not to take another flight.

I didn't collect my shattered furs,
But in the darkness it warmly grows.
The urge insida me again prevail,
That my love for the sun can ever reveal.

So I took courage to step outside,
Show my new grown furs to my friends beside.
I looked at the sun and again attracted with its shiny eyes,
I grabbed my potential to fly up and high.

This time with the determination,
not to fall again,
But with the quotation,
that the Mighty Phoenix win the game.

Unexplainably Explained

2009-08-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

We had lot of good times,
We had lot of fun.
We were together
When we were all alone.
But now I'm confused
But now I'm scared
Is this the time to again say a goodbye
Is this the time to again cry
I cant stand away from you
After holding your hand in shade and sun lights.
But i cant stand see you with the guy
Who brought rain into my nights
I wanted to move on
I wanted to start again,
I wanted to be your loving friend
I wanted to be precious again
But I'm a diamond which has turned into a stone.
But never realize i can be replaced so soon.
So here i say goodbye
So here i see you for last time
Maybe this poem doesn't rhyme
But may be it says all my heart wanna sign.

You in Me

2009-08-12T11:33:00.001-07:00

Take my hand
Take my lead
'Coz i cant walk
In this one way street

Am not afraid
Not afraid at all
Coz i know you'll catch me
Every time i fall

So close your eyes
Feel my heart deep inside
With every low & high
I'll be there by your side

Stretch your hands
I will grab one
I will show u the way
In every turn

So take a step
And come to me
In the dark night
Shine a light for me

Take one breath
And breathe with me
Coz i am alive
When u kiss me.

You can stay
Thousand miles apart
Coz my heart will stay
Anywhere you're

But would u promise
Forget me not
Coz without u
I'm all lost

Time can take us apart
Chances can be shorten to start
But feelings bemused
Touch heart from distance apart

Every day every step together
We trying getting better
So hold me close to u
Don't let me go so soon

So take my name
Take a chance
Call me home
And together we shall dance

Take my hand
Take my lead
Show me the road
That will bring u back to me.

Lifeless & Cold

2009-08-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

There was a knock at my door
But no one on the other side
Am I waiting for someone?
I asked myself to be sure

Getting back in the house,
The doors were all close.
Snowy storm was furious and high
The echoing scream weren’t going outside

I beat my head
Several wound on my face
The body is aching with the physical pain
But not enough to remove the emotion stain

I drive outside on my car
I crossed a pair of lonely bar
Nothing can stop me by tonight
Not even the red street light

I don’t care whatever happens next
If I live or die in regrets,
I'm so frustrate, so furious and betrayed
I want my soul to be free out of this bodily stage

Not trapped in the confessions
He says life has its own value
But I see death a drug to all pain
The pushing time ticking my head

There’s no trust, no one on whom I rely
Life seems black and without the answers
The stage is a question mark,
And there is no spot light

Give me a reason to live,
I wanna trust I find my faith so rusted
In the darkness cold and moisted
Can you take my hand to light again?

Wait a minute!
I don’t know who you are,
You’re not that medicine not the part I loved,
Now Lifeless is all in me, don’t have another reason to start.

Fatal Survival

2009-08-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

It takes lot of courage,
to end your life,
a little more,
to even survive.
When silent night shouts on you,
you scream till fatal,
on dancing tunes,
does lightning sky,
shine your life?
or it stuck you sane,
deep inside your mind.
Closed eyes is nothing but crime,
fight for yourself you still have time.
Face off your survival,
challenge it to death,
coz happiness is discovered
after this drowning rain.

Once I die...

2009-06-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Once I die
I don't need to care for anybody's regret or cry
Once I die
the distance fades away between truth and lie
Once I die
am not worried about any kinda try
Once I die
I don't have to turn back how they live their life
Once I die
I wonder they are alone and have shoulder to cry
Once I die
I'll be a dying star of orion still shining light
Once I die
I'll still hold your hand I won't just pass by
Once I die
I'll fade in your memory but always be by your side
Once I die
I don't have to say goodbyes coz I've already died.
Once I die
I'll dissolve in your heart, when you look outside I've already died.

You never know...

2009-05-10T02:01:00.001-07:00

You never know the future,
its full of surprises.
An uncertain commitment, an unsure step,
but still a hope, a light of faith
& a line of fate
but still you never know.
The cries of pain, the regrets of mistakes,
the answers to absurd questions,
that you never know.
The dark clouds get shred,
the ocean is calm again,
the tough time will pass some day,
but you never know.
The end will be well,
the story will have a happy end,
you'll discover the treasure of solace,
but when, you never know.
So I keep living,
so I do my duty,
so I keep motivating,
'coz you never know.